Gah! So yesterday I was just minding my own business(well I was pigging out on mom’s cooking) when I received a text message form an unknown number. I was curious so I read it. And, I’m glad I did. The fiction guild facilitator, kuya L, informed me of an upcoming session blah blah.
I didn’t read the rest. Too much happiness was bubbling in me and I couldn’t help but shout! That was one of the rare moments that I shouted. Haha, I never shout. So anyway, I attended the session and I found out that I don’t even have any idea of literature or anime or manga(though I know some). I’ve never felt more uneducated in my life!
I need some catching up to do. Urgh. That and studying for the midterms. Hoohaa.
After a few hours of letting the feel of thinking that I’m going to join a school organization, I let my mom be the first one to know the news. It has not been a full day since I decided and all those new found hope and built up confidence went woosh as it was flush down the toilet.
Great. *insert sarcasm here*
She said that it was up to my father to decide.
Double great. *insert sarcasm x1000000000 here*
“Best to avoid those organizations. Don’t want to distract you from studies now do we? I want you to finish your course and have a job right after.”
So apparently, I’m not going to enjoy my college life. It will be as dull and boring as the other phases of my life.
“You know, there’s a danger in joining those. Romantic relationships tend to occur. You don’t need that. You need to focus.”
WHO WOULD DARE TO BE INTERESTED IN ME ANYWAY?! I’m not interested in looking for relationships geez! I don’t want any relationships (at this age) anyway. I AM focused on my studies. I just need some sort of outlet. Would you prefer that I do drugs instead? I don’t think so.
So there goes. My day just got ruined.
So it’s my third year being a college student and I still haven’t joined any school organizations (well, save for JPIA, all accountancy students are an automatic member). Why didn’t I choose any orgs? Hm. I think the answer to that may be because I don’t feel like joining any at the moment. My course alone is a lot of work so I don’t need any more pressures, stress and other stuff. Um.
Okay I’m scared of commitments. And responsibilities. Blah blah.
There I said it.
But then now I realize(with the help of my bestie) that in the near future when I have the time to look back at my college years I’ll only see a very dull phase of my life adding to the many other dull phases I’ve had. So I’ve decided to try joining in one.
I joined ALA, a literary org. For me it is one of the most prestigious organizations out there in our university. I had my eyes set on this one ever since first year but didn’t join immediately because of the reasons stated above.
Why a literary org? Obviously, writing(maybe) is the only thing I’m good at. Also, I could learn more though. That’s a plus. I could write better, organize my thoughts and whatever stuff writers do.
So until then.
“Jamie, are you ready to lose your best friend?”
I have withheld that question for years, thinking that there won’t be a time when I’ll ask myself that. I often scoffed about it. Dismissing it as something that can never happen. Distracting myself as to avoid the inevitable so it seems.
Now I’m sitting here, thinking if the time has already come to ask myself that again. I don’t want to lose her. I truly don’t. She’s the only one who understands me even if I don’t understand myself. We have been friends for almost seven years. Secrets shared, sorrows mourned, happiness experienced, embarrassment felt. We were through a lot. We even swore that we would never let anything separate us.
Especially not a guy.
Now that I think about it, we’re slowly drifting away because of a guy. A bad turn of fate isn’t it? She was the first one who had a guy fawn over her, keep her close, keep her safe, protect her, make her laugh, keep her entertained and most of all make her FEEL LOVED. Am I feeling jealous? Highly unlikely.
That was okay with me I guess. Who am I to restrict her of every opportunity that comes in her way? Who am I to tell her who to love? For the first few months I’ve teased her endlessly about the guy. I told her how lucky she was with him and how he was lucky with her. In my part, I have been the ever supportive best friend. The only role I seem to take that i can do right. I had supported them as a good friend should. But now, all because of a petty quarrel all of those great times we’ve shared goes down the drain.
Our friendship will never be the same. Just because of these stupid feelings. You know, this is why I want to be a heartless bitch in the first place. I could never handle emotions very well.
Urgh. Just because of a petty quarrel. Shit.