Lately, I feel empty. No amount of time with friends or family can ever make up for what I feel. Even writing. I write worse crap than usual. See? This is evidence of it. I just type whatever comes into mind.
Lately, I feel empty. There can be times when I can imagine a big blue elephant in the sky parading the heavens with a pink balloon on its trunk, eyelashes too long like cirrus(? hah, I forgot what they’re called) clouds; then there are times when it feels like my brain just decided to shut down and be numb for a while. A really long while.
Lately, I feel antsy. My social interaction skills have once again dropped to zero. Not that it was so great to begin with. The school organization that I joined is going to evict me sooner rather than later. I can feel it. Not taking into mind people who are unnecessary( most of them) make me look like I don’t care. I don’t. Thus, zero social skills.
Lately, I feel empty…
I am going to be evicted sooner or later.
I have been given a warning by my facilitator. The reason? Lethargy. Oh but it wasn’t only me. There was, I think, four of us who was the most inactive in the group. The others were occasionally dropping by the office when they had the time. I didn’t. I really don’t have the time on weekdays to go to the office every now and then. My schedule is really fucked up that’s why! Urgh.
Venting out bottled up worries to my friends was the first thing I did. True enough, they cheered me up and gave me some advice. Basically, they told me to go by the office some time but I think they didn’t get my point but oh well. And another thing, almost all of the members I’ve met are really intimidating. They send off this kind of vibe that says “Oh hey stare at me at your own risk. Get ready for awkward silence.”
Damn. And I really wanted to have fun in the guild too. I can’t even make friends there. Not exaggerating here. I mean, sure there were some newbies but oh please! they were first year students! I’m a third year. To some people that may not be a problem. But it is to me.
I think I need to stop now. Too many things going on in my head. So many projects to do. So many deadlines. God help me.
Something doesn’t feel right.
First off, I started the day feeling refreshed even though I hadn’t got enough sleep last night. Weird, I know. Even if it was the case, I still had shadows under my eyes making it look smaller than it already is. My hair was uncontrollable as always. Tangles here and there. More or less a zombie in the morning. A very refreshed zombie.
Moving on, I was fine when I arrived on my classroom which was on the fourth flour. Got to walk a little bit from my floor to the one below with no problem. When I saw the teacher approaching, a huge pile of papers on her arms I kind half ran, half walk towards my seat. After a few minutes of cramming any last bit of information in my head, I kept my notes inside my bag and placed it on the platform in front. By then, I was a little sweaty and my stomach hurts a bit. Shrugging it off as maybe my pants were being too tight or the weather was just too hot, I ignored it.
Which was very stupid of me if I must say.
The hours drag on and I was home for the meantime. No rest for me. Books in accounting and economics were opened and I’ve been reading them for the past hours alternately. Honestly, that was the most fucked up thing to do. I interchanged some of the concepts and whatever. Cramming does that to you. Anyway, I got ready to leave for school once again when I felt the pain in my stomach magnified to x2. Again, I shrugged it off thinking that it was just nothing.
I was dead wrong.
For the first few hours of the afternoon, little by little the pain intensified. Now I should have took this up as some cue to go to the infirmary and ask for some meds but being the stubborn one that I am, I didn’t go. Now, at 3:00pm it was hurting like crazy! Whenever I move it feels like I’m being stabbed and the blade slowly rotates then glide elsewhere. Sitting was not even an option. And the worst part was the exam was starting. What did I do to deserve this?!
So long story short, placing my butt on the farthest edge of the chair and wiping cold sweat from my forehead was basically how I faced the most dreaded examination this week. Whelp. Hope I did well though. Never mind the pain. Chos.
That is all. Jami out.