Just a thought, my homework

I would like to share my homework. My reason? No reason at all. I just like how well it turned out. Woohoo!

Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas

There’s this expression “taking a trip down memory lane” that pretty much describes what I do on a day to day basis. I often drift into a daydream and reminisce the past. Oh the nostalgia. Soft memories of my playmates running around the basketball court during recess in my old school while I stay at the sidelines, always makes me smile at some point. Recalling these said memories, the one thing that was always prominent during my stay at my old school was the time whenever we have our flag ceremony. Aside from the joy of having to start the class at least five to ten minutes later than usual, as a kid I looked forward to standing in a line and reciting verses that was made to be memorized in a week’s time. It was weird. Falling into a routine so early in the morning got my blood pumping. That and the way some of us latecomers rush towards the basketball court and to our respective lines all signs of being powdered by our mothers and the way they immaculately brush our hair back gone.

“Iniibig ko ang Pilipinas

Aking lupang sinilangan

Tahanan ng aking lahi

…”

 

     I remember uttering those words when I was a kid with a sweat stained face after singing the national anthem. I didn’t understand what I was saying back then. The number one priority for me was to recite the oath as to not to be punish and be the subject of ridicule among my peers. As the years go by, I am guilty of disregarding the oath as some major compliance that I have to do. Heck, I thought that it would help me through college. I realized that I was wrong. I should have taken the oath more seriously.

Fast forward to so many years later, I, as a student of Ateneo de Naga University, was taught to do things that exceed my limitations, to get out of my comfort zone and help each other to improve. This is Magis. It made me aware of so many things. So that is why remembering the past, especially anything about my country, made me think “What have I done for it?”. Racking my brains out, I thought of every possible way I could have contributed for the beloved archipelago made up of 7,107 islands on the Southeast of Asia. So I made a sort of check list to list down ideas that came into mind.

ž          Heroic death for the country (obviously haven’t done that).

ž          Advertising my country to foreigners through social media. It’s more fun in the Philippines!

ž          Made empowering online (or not) articles that moves the Filipino people in loving the country more.

ž          Join rallies in eradicating corruption in the government.

ž          Influence others to a great extent that they make a good deed. A national award would be a bonus.

There are so many more that I can think of but if I evaluate myself, I am pretty sure that I have done none of those. So should I consider myself a useless citizen of the Philippines who knows nothing but to go online and resemble a zombie as I scroll down a social networking site?

Of course not.

Yes it is true that I have done none of those things but in my own simple way I am sure that I have done something for my country. For one, by following the laws of the country down to the simple rules of my barangay is my simple way of being a good citizen. Listening to the elders can be another. They can impart their wisdom on me and I can put them into good use. Crossing the road when the green light is on, paying fees (ranging from school tuition fees to the simple buying of one peso candies at a small sari-sari store) at the right amount, helping elders and children find their way back home when asked for directions or help them cross the road, saying po at opo whenever it is due, and most of all respect other people even the beggars (because why not!). These may be small in comparison to what other people had done like say, Eren Peñaflorida, but I am sure that through this small things I have made my country bearable to live with. And hopefully in some instance when somebody saw me do all those things may do what I did or even greater than that, creating a domino effect.

I hope for this country to grow more – not population wise but through the way people carry themselves. Sure, economically speaking we are growing and there are many opportunities out there if you look hard enough but there are still unfortunate people out there who barely have anything to eat. If the people would just work hand in hand and not think of their personal satisfaction for just a moment I am sure this country would be just fine.

37 Freeing Quotes For People With Anxiety

Thought Catalog

P.S. You’re not going to die. Here’s the white-hot truth: if you go bankrupt, you’ll still be okay. If you lose the gig, the lover, the house, you’ll still be okay. If you sing off-key, get beat by the competition, have your heart shattered, get fired…it’s not going to kill you. Ask anyone who’s been through it. Daneille LaPorte
If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience. Deepak Chopra
I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress…

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They come. They stay.

Finals are fast approaching (actually there are a few days left…4? 5? I lost count). That and deadlines for major projects that can either decide career or your life, which are basically the same things.

Everyday has been a routine. Wake up late, panic, barely have any breakfast or lunch because time is a bitch that wants to run you over. Yup, basically that everyday. And of course, those thoughts. Nobody can get away from those thoughts. They are becoming more frequent and vivid every minute of every hour of ever day. Of course I shrug them off, thinking that they were mere thoughts. They can’t DO anything. They can’t do real damage.

I was wrong.

The minute that reality came knocking on my door I knew that I couldn’t live on my wonderland anymore. The thoughts were out of control. I even intentionally missed one of my major classes just to keep the thoughts from filling up my head. But it was no use. Good thing I had my best friend accompany me. Who knows what I might do. Anyway, I told her of my nightmares and a little foreshadowing of what I might do when the thought would be too much to handle.

But you know, triggers are everywhere. Every place, nook and cranny I look there are always things that would remind me of those thoughts. Like my cellphone for example. Every time I look at it or even touch the thing it reminds me of the seconds I could have used studying the book in front of me (lately, I always have one. Blame finals). It comes to the point that I even feel guilty of sleeping because I could have used that time to study.

That’s just it. Study.

And you know what pisses me off the most? The one that will always be the massive and most pushing trigger ever? It’s the fact that with all the studying that I’ve done I’ll still fail. I just know it. No. I can feel it. And here ladies and gentlemen, right here are  the thoughts speaking.