There’s no use moping around. Thing happen. I have to live with it and adjust.


I can plan all I want for the future. I even plan for almost all the possible scenarios I can think of. Wracking my brain for the unexpected with plan C leaves me with more worry than I had with plan A. It’s nerve wrecking. Add in my failing memory and you have a disaster.

Why am I this way. *sigh*

I just wish everything would fall into place. But I know that there is no one out there who could help me but myself.

Story time! So gather up and be amazed by the most mundane shenanigans that happens to me. Woohoo. 

I recently discovered that traffic in Manila is hell and it’s partly my fault, not the traffic. It was the about four in the afternoon when my sisters called and asked my mom to pick them. Usually I wouldn’t go with my mom since #reviewislyfe but today I wasn’t feeling the vibe. I needed some distractions and a short drive is a welcomed one. So there we were almost out of the door when my brother rushed towards the bathroom. I didn’t know what made me stare at the bathroom door a second too long and decided to brush it off. I tend to stare at most things too long anyway. 

The first feeling of regret was when I was strapping my seatbelt on. We were still in the garage when I felt the need to pee. I was about to tell my mom that I needed to go but the moment I opened my mouth she put the car on drive. 

No big deal. I can hold it. The drive back and forth would at least take 30 minutes. I’ll be fine. I’ve held my pee for an hour what could possible go worse. 

And ah yes. It did. 

The minute we made it to the main road there were trucks everywhere. Huge ones, others were two cars long (okay forgive me I have no idea how to describe cars and in this case trucks), every shape of trucks was there. It looked like a car/truck show(?). It was that moment that my mom cursed. I could have cursed too if my energy wasn’t centered at my southern region holding in for dear life. 

I keep repeating to myself that everything was fine. The traffic will go on smoothly and no sooner it will be that we’ll all be home and I’ll come running to the bathroom. 

Dear Merlin’s beard. That was the longest traffic I have ever experienced. Two fucking hours. Stuck. In that damn traffic. Cars were barely moving. The traffic officers would let one or two cars pass. The rest would have to wait for more than a minute to get their turn. 

I wanted to cry so bad. I thought of different ways to…relieve myself and all of it was gross! Obv. There were no near restaurant that I could stealthily sneak in. I was doomed the moment my hands started to shake. We were trapped for an hour. And I really really really needed to go. Inch by inch the cars moved and luckily I saw a glimpse of hope in the distance. I waited some more until out car was parallel to the building. 

I had a feeling that this certain building had at least one public bathroom. Damn it all the yucky things that comes in your mind when I say public bathrooms. I was that desperate! I told my mom I couldn’t hold it in and I think she pitied me because I didn’t look too good. Ah I forgot to mention that I was wearing a jacket in the hot afternoon and really short shorts. Har har. I wasn’t prepared to go out. Hell I look like a crazy homeless person but whatever. A girl’s got to do what a girl has got to do in the name of all that is relieving! 

So I got out of the car and luckily there was a few cars passing through the other street therefore crossing the road was easy. Yay for little miracles! And I guess I’ve used up what little luck I had left in life when I entered the building and asked a random person where the bathroom was. Okay first of all it wasn’t a public bathroom but it was an employee only bathroom sort of thing.

I wasn’t an employee of the building. At most I look homeless. I’m dripping with sweat because of the jacket. My hair was greasy ffs. And to top it all off I had this crazy look in my eyes. Literally going crazy for holding it in. Ready to burst. 

I did what I had to do. I told them what my situation was and if I could “please please please use your bathroom and I won’t take long please”. 

I’d like to think that they gave me the key because they pitied me and not because they thought that I’m a crazy person that will soon have a meltdown if I can’t get what I want. Ha. The most I could do in that situation was, well, pee. But thank you nonetheless good people of that building. You let me experienced heaven for two minutes while I was using your employee only bathroom. 


A story of you

Every morning he’ll wake up with a start. Your voice would echo through the walls. You’ll call him in a sickly sweet voice. You’ll scream if he doesn’t answer. 

 Every morning starts with a sprinkle of profanities. Always with profanities.

All his life he has endured all your naggings. Everyday he braced himself for your daily dose of verbal poison. You belittle him. You made him inhuman. You make it a habit to step on what little dignity he has left.
In every second he was with you, you slowly strip him of his hopes, morals, and dreams of ever becoming something. You destroy every twinkle in his eyes. Your every stomp of his dream reduce him to nothing but an animal. He tries hard to fight it. With every jab of insults that you threw him, he answers even if at the end of it you’ll pour even more poison to his system

You don’t have to read this. It’s my blog anyway. I might sound whiny and like a baby and believe me I’m doing nothing but have mini tantrums in my head. People around me don’t know that I’m getting worse. My anxiety is at its limit. I’ve come to the point that I hate being in a room full of people (har har jokes on me I’m still reviewing boohoo). 

I didn’t want to be this way. Heck, who would? Who would want to bow their head everytime people would be near? Honestly, I’m going to break my neck at this point. As each day pass I’m getting more and more unsocial to the point where my seatmates try to initiate conversations but it would always end in dead air. 

On the brightside, no one bothers me so I think that’s good. This is how I welcome 2017 with a bang.